It's a crappy job but someone's gotta do it

I don't want to alarm anyone I just want to share my experiences. I have never been regular from 'Day 1' . I was mostly constipated. i was on everything imaginable ( senokot, citric of magnesia, suppositories, senna tea) nothing worked. when i was 14 i went to a school where my nerves were shot, I started having like a colitis. and one day found myself in the girl's room crying because my bowels let loose big time. when i started to try daily laxatives, i could not hold my bowels and I would go anywhere at any time. i Didn't have any sort of regular routine. then in 1987 when i started work, i I would use a laxative on the weekends. i still had some acidents during the week in the beginning. but now, 22 years of persistence later, what i do is take a combination of laxatives ( what i affectionately call my 'BOMB') on friday or saturday night, It works me through the night and most of the next day. I don't make any plans for that day but it is worth it. It cleans me out enough that i can go the whole week without an accident and my body is so used to it now that i don't feel sick and I can go to work without any worry. this solution is not for everyone, but it works for me!!

Home Alone--- Sorta

Well, let's talk about the past week.
On Monday, Columbus Day, My Mom and Joe took off for Florida for an 8 day vacation, So Grandma is staying at my house with me for the duration. I can do most tasks by myself, but I still need that occassional assistance. It's not enough assistance to require paying for a home health aide, but enough to warrant someone stay in the house with me, mostly during the night and the morning hours getting ready for work. Some of those things are: being around when I am taking a shower in the a.m.( just in case I channel the 'I've fallen and I can't get up' lady), and helping me to and from my car just in case the weather is bad, Sometimes even driving me, Not because I am afraid to drive in bad weather- I am just as good/bad as the next guy on the road- It's when I get out of the car into the elements that the issues usually start; Putting my crutch down on an icy patch or a wet floor, and walking against the wind!( if a stranger saw me walking into the building with my belongings- Pocketbook, lunch bag and backpack- against even the mildest wind and rain, They'd swear I was drunk! ) Anyway, back to the week-- The first few days were o.k. because I had work to take up much of the day but the weekend gets kinda nuts, you see I like to be by myself; hang out on the'puter and watch the 'tele' but people feel I need to be entertained. I rarely get phone calls from relatives, but as soon as Mom is away it's: ' wanna go to a movie?', 'to dinner?,' How 'bout I come over and watch tv?'. Don't get me wrong I like the people offering but i'd just as soon stay home alone with my thoughts. So far so good, last night I did my Weekend ritual for my bowels and I haven't had any problems-YET! Not that I plan on having any, but it's always in the back of my mind. Mom always did the major clean ups and I don't want gram to have to so I'm doing the best I can. grandma feels when I go to do something myself It's because I don't want her to do it. that's not totally true, I just want to see how much I can do myself before I ask, and so far so good!! Anyway that's all I have for now I am about to play cards with Gram. She keeps beating me!!!

first week of work

Well, just finished my first 2 weeks of work after a short, little 10 week vacation!! ( Insert pity remarks here-- lol!! ) It went well. I went off to work with 2 new items: my new car and my new frameless eyeglasses. Nobody commented on my new car, which I understand since nobody saw me drive up in it how can they know who it belongs to? But after going through the whole week talking to and having lunch with my coworkers, only FOUR people noticed my glasses! Could it be the fact that I'm only 4'9" and the ones who noticed were the select few who share my..ahem.. 'point of view' (literally)?? Maybe.




It's nice being back into a routine. You see, if I don't have anything scheduled to do, I usually don't do anything. I'm not one to initiate visitations with friends; I guess I always think that if they wanted to be with me, THEY would've called ME ( stupid I know, but that's what i think, ...I THINK) lol and I'm not one to sporadically get into the car and drive to the park, beach or anywhere where alone just for the heck of it. when I go places I like to be with people. If I want to be alone I'd just... stay home.



I've had this job since 1987, I kinda fell into it. You see, I had been going to college. I graduated SUNY Farmingdale with a 2-year degree in Early Childhood Education, then I transferred to SUNY Old Westbury with intentions of taking Mathematics for teaching. Well,... only ONE week into my stay in a dorm. I got sick and had to drop out... missing that semester! I had a surgery and was 1/2 way back to normal by January, but not enough to go back to Dorm in college, so I decidedthat, to keep myself busy, I'd take 2 courses at SUNY Farmingdale, this time as a commuter.


that semester ended ( 2 A's , well worth it) and summer came. Well, wouldn't you know it, just before the new semester was to start, You guessed it... ANOTHER SURGERY and another missed semester!! Well, I wasn't about to sit around twiddling my thumbs for another 4 months,so I decided to get a 'temporary' job until I was back on my feet; enough to go back to school. I started as a part-time lunch relief aide ( a lot of walking the halls!) and in 2004, I went full-time as an aide ( 'Paraprofessional' is the 'PC' term these days) 23 years later I'm still at my temporary job... why mess with a good thing? I went to night school and finished at Dowling with a Special Ed degree, but along the way I decided to stay as an aide...job security. I used to think that I was not living up to my potential-- along with many people I worked with who reminded me of the same-- but today I feel I have a great job: Stability, a retirement system and the biggest reason of all---MEDICAL BENEFITS!!---- There's a great feeling when you can go to a doctor of your choosing have him do all the procedures and write him/her a check a fraction of the cost.--That is worth more than any clout a teaching job would get me. and I don't have to worry about lesson plans, State tests or parents with insane requests. It's a great gig!

a Relaxing Massage

Well, last October I gave my mother a present, A trip to a beauty salon to get her eyelashes lengthened; (It took forever to find the place, because they didn't say it was a small operation in the back of a Fitness place!!.) It started when I met a woman at a baby shower and we commented on her beautiful lashes, she said they were fake. Mom's lashes fell out in one eye from nerves and she always wanted to do something about it. so the lady gave me the name of the salon and I bought her a gift certificate- Last October- Mom was excited but as always too busy to pay attention to herself. So time went by and it's now September and only one month till the certificate expires, so Mom convinced ME to use the coupon for a facial. but she wanted me to pretend I was her. ( I hate lying so I was hoping the lady didn't question, and she DIDN'T!! PHEW!!! )well we found it and I got on the table, and proceeded to close my eyes to relax (this is an important bit of info to remember.) She wanted to do a full chemical peel but I was chicken; I didn't want my BEAUTIFUL FLAWLESS SKIN to get ruined. So she just gave me the basics. when I put my head back my neck hurt a little , MOM was there watching and I didn't want to make a big deal out of it!! So I toughed it out. she put on the cream , then the humidifier and it felt great. She left the room for a bit to take a phone call and came back, then started picking at my skin. when she was done getting the MANY BLACKHEADS (According to her) the next thing I know I felt this HEAVY thing go on my whole face ( remember my eyes were closed to RELAX) Well here's where the fun started I FREAKED OUT ' sat right up hyperventilated feeling like i was going to suffocate! I felt like a jerk. The lady left the room again for me to relax. after a bit I felt I'd try again so Mom showed me the mask and it looked harmless so I laid down and my mother put it on me and I was relaxed again. ...I think this is related to my fear of the Anesthesia mask they used on me as a kid. I never liked it and one day at home i was watching an episode of 'Mr. Roger's Neighborhood' where he had to go to the hospital for surgery. When they were putting the mask on him, he held it in his hands and examined it and talked about it. So, the next time I was in the hospital and they proceeded to put the mask on my I went to reach for it just to touch it and.... The nurses HELD MY HANDS DOWN AND PUT THE MASK OVER MY FACE AND WOULDN'T LET GO!! ever since then I didn't like the mask and had IV to put me to sleep.. also back in those days, Mom wasn't allowed to stay with me overnight or walk to the OR with me!! I HATED the hospital when i was younger... more like feared! (Anyway back to the story)

...So we're Waiting, and waiting and WAITING!! for this woman to come back and finally she does... 20 minutes later!! She said that her groomer called before and said she could take her dog NOW because they had a cancellation, so the woman ...left me on the table, went home, picked up her dog and took him to the groomer!!! ( I can't believe she told me this with a straight face !!) Well, finished the facial and I look terrific, paid the lady and left (after I bought a necessary cream of course!!) When I got home my neck started to hurt a little. and the next day it was killing me ... that'll teach me to speak up when I'm uncomfortable.

Loooong Day, but productive

Well the day started out at 8:30 am and it was off to the eye doctors for an 11:15 appointment. I got there and the doctor came in and gave me part of the exam and proceeded to dilate my eyes for part II, at which time he left the room for the drops to take effect... which they did very effectively. He finished the exam gave me a prescription for eyeglasses and I left. My next stop was spur of the moment. Mom and I decided to pay a visit to the place that originally installed my hand controls on my Accord 22 years ago. We had the hand controls that Joe took off my car the night before ;( It wasn't an easy job but he figured he'd save them) The guy at the shop took one look at them and said they were dinosaurs and couldn't reuse them, but the Mobility Rebate that I am getting from Honda should cover new ones and part of the car topper, so it wasn't a total loss. Then it was off to the bank for a bank check so I can purchase my new car. (EXCITING) Well, I got to the bank and all went well until I had to 'sign here' - Help my eyes are still dilated!!- that was an interesting experience. we got the check and it was off to my Grandmother's house to pickup my aunt then to the dealer to get the car. - Let me backtrack, I called the dealer to verify the check amount and newsflash she gave me an amount LARGER than what we had discussed, she tried to cook up a story that the former quote didn't include all the fees. so I did what any 43-year old mature woman would do....handed my mother the phone... LOL!! after a few words with her, things were ironed out. we proceeded to pick up my Aunt to help us get the car since the hand controls were not installed yet. ( the dealer put the controls on my last two cars but this time said they couldn't do it for 'LIABILITY' let me throw up!!) . I signed the papers ( with my eyes still not recovered) and Mom got in the driver's seat (HEY! What's wrong with this picture???!!). Let me tell you about Nerves! every time she had to brake, my heart stopped and when I'd see an 18-wheeler LOOKOUT!! We got home put my new car in the garage and had a snack and it was off to the optometrist in the van to get my new glasses, ( and not a day too soon since mine broke 2 days ago!!) Got the glasses then Mom and Joe wanted to take me to dinner at my favorite restauraunt, but I was sooooo *%^& !!EXHAUSTED that I settled for a tuna sandwich and a cup of tea. got in the house, sat in the recliner, put my legs up right away and AAAAHHHHH! Home at last!!Boy my car looks terrific in the driveway!!

Snooping around

Just had a thought. Doesn't everyone like to go over other peoople's houses and when they use the bathroom they just can't help themselves but snoop in the medicine cabinet. OOOH look at what we have here: Tums, Ben-Gay and massage lotions, Senokot-S, Dulcolax, eye wash, Efferdent Plus.Oh i can't stop there let's look under the sink: Depends, plastic bags,...By now you may be saying to yourself 'Hey Lisa stop snooping in your Grandmother's bathroom, you may get caught' . Well, that's highly unlikely since the bathroom cabinets I'm talking about are..... MINE!!! Yes all those wonderful items belong to me; a healthy, attractive ( if I do say so myself) 43 -year old!! You may ask be asking yourself 'What's a healthy, attractive 43 year old doing with a medicine cabinet full of those items?? well these items help me stay that way.
These are some of the items , Let's go over them one-by-one, shall we:
TUMS: Or as I sometimes like to refer to them - my'after dinner mint' ... and breakfast and lunch....since I do not move around often, My metabolism is kinda sluggish so after almost every meal I let out one heckuva 'BBBBEEEEELLLCCCHHH!' Now when I am in a public place I try to stiffle it as much as I can but it just makes the indigestion worse, so I make up the difference when I am in the comforts of my own home. As one member of my family says: ' there goes the teapot again'
Ben-Gay and Massage lotions: Walking around for almost 40 years on crutches, my arms are a Bursitic mess, from my shoulders to the tips of my fingers. My hips ache a lot too since i don't use my knees or thighs I just pivot from my hips to walk. I always joke when I am out and do a lot of walking that I am going to ; go home take off my shoes and braces, but my feet up and soak my HANDS in a tub of water!! LOL. also every month my trusty nurse Carolyn gets out the massage table that my former massage left for me and gives me a massage from head to toe. the Massage is great, and the rates are even BETTER!!
Senokot-S and dulcolax. Or as I lovingly refer to it... 'MY BOMB' If you follow my blog, you know I partake in this ritual at least once a week. Some days it's uneventful and I am good to go out by 2:00pm other days well, I'm up around 1 am sometimes I get a gagging reflex, sometimes I start flashing and mom has to use a cool cloth to relax me, sometimes the pain feels like I am about to give birth to a prehistoric animal...OUCH! but it's absolutely worth it since I know I can go the week to work without an incident ( remember the story of me in High School in the girl's bathroom?)
Eye-wash- nothing majorly medically wrong, it's just that my eyes get tired alot and I like the soothing of the eye wash. That reminds me of a story.. I was 15 years old and I had to get a new pair of glases since mine broke. when i went to the place they said they wouldn't give me glasses without an eye exam. I always go to an Opthamologist since I have a shunt and he checks for pressure behind the eyes and gives me a full work-up but since I needed the glasses ASAP (20/200 vision) I let her do it. Well she very nicely informed me that i had the eyes of a 50 Year-old MAN!! let's just squash a teenager's self-elstem shall we??
Okay, back to the contents of my bathroom shall we:
Depends: I dont FULLY Depend on them (pun intended) but I have the occassional oops with the bladder ( and sometimes bowel) and i don't know when it's going to happen so I stay prepared.
and last, but certainly not least, I have a package of .
Efferdent handy for the times I need to soak my...... Retainer, come on you didn't think I was going to say dentures did you??
Anyway that is the infamous tour of my bathroom. Hope you enjoyed it as much as i did snooping around. Till next time.....

My New Car!!

Well, I did it. Yesterday I went to Babylon Honda and bought a new car!! I thought i was going to buy my car at another location; One which i have been back and forth to a couple of times, I actually picked out a specific car,( color and all It was right in the showroom) and said I'd be back when i found out a few things. WhenI went BACK to the location to pick up the car and sign papers, I found out that MY car was sold!! he said that he didn't have a car that color on the lot and that 'No other dealer on Long Island' had one!!and tried to sell me a different color 'DA NOYV OF HIM!!' So I nicely stood up and went to another dealer, which i called from my car. and Lo and Behold he had the car I wanted right in the showroom!!! So I signed the papers and gave the down payment right there on the spot. Then I called the mechanic that was going to install the chair- topper for me. ( A device that lifts your wheelchair onto the roof of the car!!... COOL!!) I asked him if he could switch my hand- controls from my old car to the new car and he said sure .............are you ready..... For $400!!!! Well I kindly said I'd get back to him ( probably not) so now I think I have to find a different place to put in my hand controls AND the car topper!!